Psycho-Babble

I almost lost my temper tonight. I almost let go at my buds, of all people. SAM was asking his psycho-babble questions again and it was most infuriating. At one point while we were at Changi Airport BK he asked me what I expect from them (SAM & ICE) during outings. He kept asking it as if he's trying to drawing a line in the sand. I don't know why but I started getting really really riled up.

SAM: "What do you expect from us?"

ME: "What? What you're talking about?"

SAM: "When we go out, what is it do you expect from us?"

ME: "I don't know, company I guess"

SAM: "What do you mean by 'Company'?"

ME: "I don't know. Conversations I guess."

SAM: "Do you want to talk to us or just enjoy the company?"

ME: "Both la. I don't have to talk all the time. Some conversations between the two of you I don't mind just listening in"

SAM: "Don't you find that weird? that you don't want talk to us but rather just hang out with us and listen to us talk"

ME: "I didn't say that! Why are you twisting my words? What do YOU think "company" is"

SAM: "I'm not going to answer that"

ME: "Why NOT?!!!"

SAM: "Wait, wait, wait. This is about YOU not me."

At this point all the hair at back of my neck was standing up and I felt flushed and I imagined myself strangling him Homer Simpson style for a good two minutes. I knew I was upset. I'm not sure why. there was a lot of angry thoughts running through my head then. ICE of course was keeping as quiet as possible playing with his ketchup sauce. I wasn't sure what SAM was thinking at this point but I thought he was a little agitated too.

But then an amazing thing happened. I realized that I was angry and I was going on an an emotional autopilot mode. I knew I was going to react very badly to the situation cos my neck hair was all standing and all the blood had rushed to my head. I had stepped out of my head for two seconds and had a good look at myself. Maybe this is what being self-aware means. I called a timeout.

We all kept silent for around two minutes while I watched myself be angry and confused and upset, all the while fiddling my drink. After the anger had somewhat abated, I managed to coax myself to a semi-calm state. The 2 of 'em had no intention of making me pissed. I did that to myself. After another 30 seconds, I was a little more objective. I continued with the conversation.

Apparently SAM wanted to know what are the boundaries of our conversations. Is there some things that I rather not share with them. Would I let them know if they breached anything taboo. For guys we sure act like a bunch of sissy-pants. We talk about girls and sex half the time and he's asking about what's taboo. But I do appreciate his effort to ask. Just wish he wouldn't go about it in a such a roundabout way. Dingbat Counselor.

(Heh, heh. Just kidding SAM!)